Keeping Score

Have you ever kept score of all the wrongs someone has committed against you? I’m sure you know what I mean. Like when someone says something that hurt your feelings. Or, when an expectation of yours was never met by someone. Or, when you’ve done so many things for someone else and they don’t return the favor. I know that I’ve been that person to keep score.

In fact, I have an impeccable memory when it comes to storing all this kind of information. It’s like having a filing cabinet with said person’s name written across the front. ‘I’m sure glad that I paid you a compliment and you never reciprocated a compliment back to me.’ Let me file that in my “Payback” folder.

Wow, how ugly those feelings sound when typed out before my eyes. And, yet, I lived much of my life feeling and acting this way toward others.

Learning to live like Christ is a lifelong process. It’s in this process that I am being perfected. It wasn’t until I implored the Lord to show me my faults that He brought me out of my denial and ignorance.

It’s a sin to keep score of someone else’s wrongs. By tallying them up, I never fully resolve in my heart to forgive them with each occurrence. If I want others to reciprocate their love for me, I must commit myself to never retaliate by being unforgiving.


I had allowed my heart to be hardened. Unforgiveness is an infection that will continue to build up if left untreated. I had to learn to stop keeping score with my dearest family and friends.

God is still in the process of healing my heart. And here is what I’m learning through this journey:

  1. In every situation, I must ask Christ for His forgiveness. I must resolve in my heart to repent (turn away) from this act of sin. This is to free my heart from the bondage I created for myself. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. -1 John 1:9
  2. With each individual, I must go to them and confess that I am in the wrong for tallying up their “wrongs”. It’s only then that God can open up the pathways to my heart and allow healing to occur. Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed… – James 5:16 
  3. In all things and all ways, I must choose love. Regardless of my thoughts or opinions toward others- and whether I feel if they are wrong- it wouldn’t change a thing. I must show my love and pray for them. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wrongedIt does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. -1 Corinthians 13:4-5

People tend to respond to us with what is given to them. When I choose to retaliate my feelings based on someone else’s behavior, it continues a vicious cycle of wrongs. When I choose forgiveness and love, then, those people are able to reciprocate with forgiveness and love in return.

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”- Romans 12:9-10 (NLT) 


In today’s day and age, I have instant access to watch TV or Videos on-demand. TV broadcasters make their programs instantly available on the internet. Digital cable allows customers to rent movies or programs right from their own home. Subscription video on demand (i.e.- Netflix, Hulu) gives users access to unlimited programs. And these are just a few types of on-demand services available.

This is the true epitome of the idea of living in a ‘microwave generation’- instant gratification that dictates “I want it now”. In order to view any of these features, I must pay an internet bill, cable bill, or a monthly subscription. It comes with a price. And in my home, our family used to pay to have video on demand through digital cable. All this just to watch what I wanted, when I wanted it.

What’s interesting is that having video on-demand was definitely taken for granted. I didn’t utilize it to the full extent of what was being paid for. I mean, cable companies claim you’re getting a deal. But let’s face it, it’s still being paid for by that monthly bill.

In spite of this, I didn’t choose to end the perks of on-demand. Relocating to a new town landed our family with a new cable company and limited cable features.

As with most things, God used my practical every day happenings, such as on-demand services, to apply concepts to my spiritual walk. So in a similar way, I have on-demand access to Jesus! In an instant I can call upon Him, have fellowship with Him, and receive from Him. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ. ..For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.- Ephesians 2:13 & 18 (NIV). 

I can have Jesus (what I what) even now (when I want)! The Lord is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth. He grants the desires of those who fear him.. -Psalm 145:18-19 (NLT). 

The benefit of this is that there is nothing I have to do to earn on-demand access to Jesus. It was already paid in full by Jesus Himself. He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. -1 Peter 2:24 (NLT). 


But I must confess, I do not always utilize my instant access to Him. I do not always acknowledge that this benefit was paid for. In essence, I have taken Him for granted.

I don’t consciously intend to restrict myself from this access. I have not spiritually moved my heart away from Him. But I have allowed my thoughts to relocate Jesus from being my number one priority. The busyness of life’s demands get in my way of utilizing His on-demand services available to me.

I have taken some time to first, acknowledge that I need Jesus and His instant gratification. Second, thank Him for paying that price that I may have instant access to the Father. And lastly, recognize the services available to me- all that I “have” is in Christ.

  • Holy life- I have a sacred calling that leads to a consecrated life, which is set apart and with a purpose. For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus. -2 Timothy 1:9 (NIV). 
  • Abundant life- I have more than is necessary, and only obtained through Christ. ..I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. – John 10:10 (NKJV).
  • Victorious life- I have victory and power with which I can conquer my sinful nature that leads to death.  But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. -1 Corinthians 15:57 (NLT).
  • Eternal life- I have the grace of God evident in my life unto the attainment of  my eternal life. I have written this to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know you have eternal life. -1 John 5:13 (NLT).

Now, imagine if having TV or Video on-demand offered lifelong services. Services that were paid in full by the company. Wouldn’t that be something?! But, I do have these promises and so much more given to me by Christ. And, dear friends, you do too! My prayer is that you will utilize your on-demand access to Jesus as well!

“For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.”- Ephesians 2:18 (NIV)