I went through a period of time frequently watching ‘Fixer Upper’ on HGTV. I love old home renovations. There’s just something fascinating about turning something unwanted into a beautiful work of art.
In their series, the hosts are keen on “Demolition Day“. This is a day set aside to demolish any unwanted properties of a house that cannot be salvaged for purposeful use. Instead of taking each part away ‘brick by brick’, they eradicate it in its entirety by use of heavy machinery.
As with any demolition, the work doesn’t simply end there. They’re left with a pile of debris- the remnant. This remnant is not just a compilation of what is visible to the eye. It’s a collection of even the unseen; adding to it dirt, creatures, and even some stenches.
There is a great deal of involvement to rid an old home of its unwanted properties. However, once it’s completed the designer is left with a new slate. [She] is able to start afresh to create and finalize her work of art- a masterpiece.
This whole process struck a chord deep within my soul. I struggled for two and a half decades with internal damage from mental abuse and manipulation. This left me feeling abandoned, neglected, and empty. Essentially, I felt like an unwanted, old house.
I created a fortress, like a brick wall, within my heart. I was certain that, in doing so, I wouldn’t get hurt again. What took me until late to realize is that I was nourishing my own hurt. Because a wall not only attempts to keep out the hurt, but it inhibits the healing from coming in.
I realized I needed a different creative eye. Someone who could see value in the condition of this “unwanted” heart.
I cried out to God in desparation to help me rid my heart of such hurts. Every brick had every hurt written all over it. I asked Him, “Where do we even begin? There are so many hurts!” And He said to me, “Today is Demolition Day. It will be all at once. No, not brick by brick. But, it will be eradicated in its entirety.”
And it’s not God’s character to leave behind the debris of dirt, creatures, and stenches. He will not leave me to clean up the remnant.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.- 1 John 1:9 (NIV)
I confessed to Him that I was wrong for holding onto these hurts. I was sinning in my own pain. I had consistently asked for Him to heal me. But it wasn’t until this moment that I realized my fortress was preventing it from happening.
Confession of my sins and acknowledging that I needed help was necessary for the demolition and cleansing to take place. God, the Creator, gifted my heart with a new slate. He turned my ashes into beauty. And even though my life’s work isn’t complete, I am still His masterpiece.
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”- Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)