Abandoning My Past

For a long time I had feelings of disdain toward my earthly father. He caused me much pain and hardship over the course of my life. I grew up with an ever increasing void in my heart due to certain choices he made.

Although l would like to point fingers and say he abandoned me, that’s not really the case. I was the one that ultimately abandoned him. I felt I was better off without him. I resolved in my heart that I could find my own way, make a new name for myself, and become greater than he amounted in my eyes.

Because of my hurts, I viewed all relationships through an attitude of pride. My poor relationship with my earthly father caused me to have a skewed concept of how my relationship should be with my Heavenly Father. Instead of making a complete distinction between the two, I ultimately combined them into a singular category.

I was always on the run from my past hurts. And I felt so unloved. I had a hard time understanding how God could ever love me any greater. This lead me to ultimately run from God too.

Consequently, I had trouble committing my whole self to God relationally. I figured I could find my own way. I figured I could make a name for myself, all by myself. I figured I was greater at being God.

All too often I have found, and still do find myself looking ever so narrow-mindedly at my situations and thinking, “There’s nothing more and I must accept what comes my way.” As a result, I try to march onward in my own strengths and efforts.

PicsArt_04-17-07.20.56

It took me two decades to learn to combat this lifestyle with the Word of God, which speaks truth. I learned to humble myself before God, to be obedient to Him, and to seek having a real, intimate relationship with Him. He has since revealed to me so many lies that peer through the depths of my past ways of thinking. And now my thought processes can proclaim His truths!

  1. God is not to be limited by my mere human thoughts. “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”- Isaiah 55:8-9 (NLT) 
  2. I do not have to face any situation in my own strengths and efforts. The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him.- Psalm 28:7 (NKJV)
  3. God’s love for me is not restricted and based upon my choices. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.- Romans 8:38-39 (NKJV)
  4. God will never abandon or reject me. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.- John 14:18&20 (NIV)
  5. God will lead my way. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.- Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
  6. God gave me a new name through Christ. ..But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.- 1 Corinthians 6:11 (NLT)
  7. God is good at being God. I will proclaim the name of the Lord. Oh, praise the greatness of our God! He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.- Deuteronomy 32:3-4 (NIV) 

Indeed, I’m still healing and learning the difference between the role of my earthly father and, God, my Heavenly Father. But God has equipped me to discover His truths. He seeks to have a real, intimate relationship with me, His child. And, His love is far greater than anything I could ever imagine.


“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”- Ephesians 1:4-6 (NIV)